Things No One Will Tell You About Co-Parenting

Co-parenting. It seems straightforward, doesn't it? Despite living in separate homes, two parents raise a child together in cooperation. Often, the media portrays exes smiling at birthday parties, neatly divided schedules, and happy, well-adjusted kids. In reality, though, things are a bit messier and much more nuanced.

With that said, this is what no one will tell you about co-parenting:

Grief and Guilt Can Be Your Constant Companions

Even if a divorce or separation is a good decision for everyone involved, it is still a loss. You might miss the routines with your child, the sense of being part of a complete unit, or the life you envisioned for your family. In addition to guilt, you may wonder if your choices are negatively affecting your children. 

Don't be afraid to feel these emotions. Join a support group, speak to a therapist, or find healthy outlets such as exercise or journaling. Remember, when you are emotionally healthy, your child will thrive.

Communication is Key (Even When You Want to Scream)

A successful co-parenting relationship is built on effective communication. However, this doesn't mean constant texts or phone calls. Decide on a communication style that works for you. For example, to schedule and share information, consider using a co-parenting app. 

Keep in mind that clear, respectful communication is about the needs of your children, not rehashing old arguments.

The Other Parent Isn't Always Going To Be Your Best Friend

Parenting together doesn't mean having to be friends all the time. While respect is important, you don't need to maintain a social connection with your ex. You should focus on communication that will benefit your child. Disagreements are inevitable, and that's okay. 

Be sure to focus on the child's needs instead of your own, and learn to disagree constructively.

You Will (Probably) Have to Adjust Your Parenting Style

It is not uncommon for households to have different rules. This can be stressful for everyone involved. But, this is especially true with your child. Establish core values and boundaries with your co-parent that are consistent between the two of you.

Nevertheless, you don't have to micromanage each other's parenting. Rather than focusing on the small details, be flexible when needed.

Holidays and Special Occasions Are a Balancing Act

In the past, holidays were neatly divided. There will be some heartache and negotiation. Would it be possible to alternate Thanksgiving or share Christmas morning? Don't be afraid to start new traditions when you come up with creative solutions. 

It is more important to create positive memories for your child instead of recreating the past.

You Can't Control What Happens in the Other House

There is nothing wrong with being concerned about your children's well-being when they are living with the other parent. There may be concerns about the way they parent or the routines they follow. 

Ultimately, you cannot control your co-parent's household, even if you discuss these issues with them. While you are spending time with your children, focus on providing a safe and loving environment for them.

Prepare for the Unpredictable

Curveballs are part of life. Your carefully crafted co-parenting plan can be disrupted by a new partner, a job change, or a child's illness. Ensure that you have a system for communication that will allow you to adjust quickly. And, be flexible and willing to compromise.

Your Child Will Have Mixed Emotions

Be prepared for your child to express anger, confusion, or sadness. They may feel torn between loyalties or miss the way things used to be. Be sure to reassure them that you both love them unconditionally. Also, allow them to express their feelings in a safe environment and encourage open communication.

You Will Experience Unexpected Moments of Joy

There will be days when co-parenting feels like a constant struggle. However, there will be moments of unexpected grace as well. Perhaps it's a shared birthday party filled with laughter, or mutual support during a challenging time for your child. In these moments, co-parenting offers a glimpse of the positive possibilities it can offer.

Blended Families Take Time

The addition of a new partner to either your co-parent or you can add a whole new layer of complexity. It is possible for everyone involved to feel jealousy, confusion, and resentment. Keep an open mind and be patient. Make sure that any new partners are introduced slowly and that the children's needs are prioritized.

Embrace the Unexpected

There are few things that go according to plan when it comes to co-parenting, but that's okay. Take advantage of the unexpected turns, share the victories, and connect with others. Don't forget that co-parenting isn't just about co-parenting; it's about building a new kind of family.

Bonus Tip: Self-Care is Essential: There is a lot of emotional energy involved in co-parenting. As such, don't forget to take time for self-care. You should prioritize activities that help you de-stress and recharge, such as exercise, meditation, spending time with friends, or pursuing hobbies.

Final Words of Advice

When it comes to co-parenting, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Discover what works for you based on your unique situation. It is important to be patient, flexible, and willing to compromise. In order for your children to thrive, you must create a loving and stable environment.